


Heart's Desire

by pluto24



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Blow Jobs, Detective Dean, Detective Sam, Hurt Sam, Kidnapping, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rape/Non-con Elements, Serial Killer, Unrelated Winchesters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-05-30 23:36:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6446746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pluto24/pseuds/pluto24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Detective Dean Campbell and his new partner Sam Wesson are on the case of a serial killer. Dean knows Sam is hiding something even though he's only known him a few hours.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Detective Dean Campbell walked into the 1st Street Station and sat down at his desk. He was dreading coming in today because he was getting a new partner. His previous partner Cole Newman, had asked for a transfer to be closer to his wife’s family in Chicago. He had no idea who his new partner was. The rumor was that he was a transfer from LA who had just made detective. The last thing that Dean wanted was some Hollywood hotshot rookie. He was hopping he could talk Captain Singer into not partnering him with a rookie. Of course all he had to do today was meet the guy and show him around town. He had just gotten to town last night and had never been here before. Captain Singer always thought that the best way to be a successful detective or cop you had to know everybody. Right when he sat down at his desk his phone rang.  
“Detective Campbell.”  
“Dean get in here.” Came the rough voice of Captain Singer.  
Dean got up and walked into Singer’s office. The first thing he noticed was the guy wearing a white shirt with shoulder length dark brown hair with blonde highlights in it. If he hadn’t known about the rumor than he would have guessed this guy was a suspect in something. Captain Singer introduced him.  
“Detective Dean Campbell meet your new partner. This is Detective Sam Wesson. He transferred from LA and was just promoted. Now get out of here and show him his desk and while you’re at it show him where you get your haircut.” He said laughing.  
Dean sent a glare Singer’s way and left the office. He and Sam walked out to the parking garage and into Dean’s newly issued Ford Fusion. It still had that new car smell and was still extremely clean inside and out.   
“I’ve only had this thing 3 days” Dean said  
“It’s nice.” Sam said  
Dean glanced over at Sam. He wanted to hate having a partner, especially one from California. He looked like he was from there. All tanned skin that wasn’t covered in a light grey suit. Even his damn hair screamed California.   
“So” Dean said as he pulled the car out of the parking space. “I thought first we should could grab some lunch.”  
“Okay. I am kind of hungry.” Sam said.   
A few minutes later Dean parked in front of Rosie’s Diner. They went in and sat in a booth in the back of the diner. Dean handed Sam a menu when the waitress Joanne came over with a coffee pot and poured his usual afternoon coffee.   
“Dean your usual I take it.” Joanne asked  
“Of course Jo.” Dean said  
“And what can I get you sugar?” She asked Sam  
Sam looked down at the menu “Um Chicken Cesar Salad.”  
Dean gave him a questioning look. “Salad Sam, really?”  
“I’d rather not have the grease in a burger Dean.”  
Dean watched Sam as he looked away and tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear. Jo put the plates of food in front of them and smiled at knowing smirk at Dean turning around and walking away.  
“After we’re done here I’ll show around the lovely Silver Light City.”  
After their meal Dean drove them around the city.   
“Dean how long have you lived here?”  
“Um a little over 6 years. Why did you transfer from California?”  
Dean wasn’t sure but he thought he saw something flash in Sam’s eyes.  
“Just wanted to do something different.” Sam replied while tucking another strand of hair behind his ear. Dean knew that there was more to the story because looked kind of uncomfortable.   
“So I should show you where I get my haircut. Since Bobby mentioned it. I know he won’t care if we stop.”  
“No I can wait until Saturday when I’m off. It’s fine Dean.”  
Just as Dean was about to reply his phone rang.   
“speak of the devil. Hey Bobby what’s up?”  
Sam could only hear one side of the conversation. But judging by Dean’s responses he was being given orders and it was probably about his hair since Dean repeated the weekend comment. Soon Dean was shutting the phone off and glanced at Sam.   
“So I’m under orders to bring you someplace so that you can eventually get your hair taken of. Luckily the place is around the corner and Trina is sweet.”  
“umm I can really wait until the weekend Dean.”  
“Yeah I know. You can meet Trina and decide if you want to come here. You’ll have to cut it eventually. Bobby is stickler for rules and one of his rules is no hair below the shoulders. Come on after we go there I’ll bring you meet Sal. He owns the market next door. Anything you need to cook he’s got it.”  
Soon Dean was parking the car in a small shopping plaza and they were walking into A Cut Above.   
“Dean! It’s great to see you”  
“Hey Trina! How are you?”  
“Great. So I’m assuming you graced me with your wonderful presence because you need a haircut.”  
“I do. I also want you to meet my new partner. This is Sam.”  
Sam stood there when Trina looked him up and down. It made him slightly uncomfortable but she seemed nice.  
“Well Sam it’s nice to meet you.”  
“You too.”  
“Listen Trina Sam is going to need his hair taken care of eventually. Can we make appointments?  
“Sure. I’m not free until this weekend though. Is that too late?’  
“Sounds Good Trina. We’ll both make appointments.”  
They made their appointments and then went next door to meet Sal. After that they went back to the station. Dean was going to just leave the car and then go home, but Bobby was waiting for them when they got there.  
“Boys. I just got a call. As of right now you’re on duty. There is a body down on canal street.”

When they pulled up to the police cars on Canal St. they were met by Officer Andy Rogers.   
“Hey guys. This is something you need to see Dean. It’s right up your ally. We were doing a routine check and found the guy sitting on the bench. When I closer I realized the guy was dead.”  
Dean and Sam walked over to the body on the bench and looked at him. He had been placed so he was sitting up. He was naked and had cuts and bruises all over his body, but the most disturbing thing was the gaping hole in his chest where his heart should have been. There was just and empty chest cavity. While Sam and Dean gathered evidence with the crime lab neither one of them noticed the figure hiding in the shadows watching every move that they made. Sam Wesson had no idea that the hell he had run away from in LA had followed him to Silver City.   
“Soon my pet you’ll be mine forever”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So, I'm not really sure about this chapter. I know where I want the story to go and how it's going to end, but getting there is hard. Anyway. I hope you like it.

Dean and Sam went back to the station to try to find out who the dead guy is. Sam went through the missing person reports while Dean went through the old cases they have to see if they figure out what happened. Dean glanced up from a file he was looking at and looked at Sam. He had his head down causing his long hair to fall into his face. Dean resisted the urge to tuck it behind his ear. He wanted to know more about the man. He didn’t think that Sam would be open to telling him anything unless he put all of his charm into it. That was when he decided he would just investigate him. He put the thought on the back burner as he heard Sam’s almost too loud voice.  
“Got it!” Sam said  
“who is he?” Asked Dean  
“Michael Johnson. Last seen 4 days ago leaving Conner’s Gym.”  
Sam turned the laptop so Dean could see. Dean looked at the picture and then thought about where Conner’s Gym was.   
“Okay, so Conner’s is on 19th St and his body was found 8 blocks away from there on Condor St. Let’s go to Conner’s and see if anybody saw anything.” Dean said standing up. The drive was quite. Sam sat looking out the window trying to figure out where he had seen a similar case. When he was in L.A he had heard something about a body being found with the heart missing, but he was on his way out of the station. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn’t hear Dean ask him a question.   
“Um, what?” Sam asked looking at Dean  
Dean sighed “I asked you what you like to do when you’re not working.”  
“Oh, um I like to read mostly.”  
“So basically you’re a boring geek.” Dean said laughing  
“No.”  
“Oh Sam, you and I are going out Friday night, I’m taking you to a bar and you’re going to lose your boring.”  
“Dean I go out.”  
“Right. Well then you can consider it a welcome to town and the force night out. Okay?”  
“Yeah fine.” Sam said laughing.  
They pulled into the parking lot of a big brick building that had windows from the floor up to the roof. Inside there were treadmills and bikes lined up facing outside. They went inside and were greeted by a dark haired woman wearing a tee shirt that said Conner’s Gym across the front. She was looking at a computer and didn’t notice them come in. Dean cleared his throat and she looked up.  
“Hi welcome to Conner’s. Can I help you?” she asked cheerfully looking at both of them.  
“Hi. I’m Detective Campbell and this is my partner Detective Wesson. We’d like to ask you a few questions about this man Michael Johnson.” Dean said showing her the missing persons photo. She took it and looked it over.  
“Oh I remember him! He was here on Saturday night. He left at about 9pm. He usually comes in on Sundays, but he didn’t show. The owner, Gary Conner knows him and when he didn’t hear from him he went to the police on Monday morning.”  
“Is Gary here?” Sam asked  
“Yeah. He’s in his office. Let me call him and tell him you’re here.” She said picking up the phone. Soon a tall man wearing a blue Conner’s Gym shirt showed up.  
“Detective Campbell and Wesson? I’m Gary Conner. We can go to my office to talk.” They followed him to an office on the other side of the gym. There were pictures on the wall of Gary with Michael. Their arms were around each other. Gary sat behind his desk and Sam and Dean took the two plush chairs that were in front of it.   
“Mr. Conner” Dean began  
“Please call me Gary.”  
“Gary. We understand that you filed a missing person’s report on Michael Johnson?”  
“Yeah. Mike was supposed to come in on Sunday and he never showed and never answered his phone. That’s not like him. I went to his apartment and he wasn’t there. The next day I went to the police.”  
“Gary. We found Michael.” Sam said  
“That’s great! Where is he?”  
“Unfortunately we found Mr. Johnson’s body this morning.”  
Gary’s face paled and he slumped back down in his seat.  
“What happened? How did he die?”  
“Did he have any enemies?” Sam asked  
“No! Everyone liked him! Why would you…. Oh God!”  
“We’re sorry, but he was found about 8 blocks from here.”  
“How long”  
“He was found this morning.”  
They finished interviewing Gary and left the gym. On the way back to the station Dean’s phone rang.   
“Hey Garth. I’m assuming you found something? Okay.” He said and ended the call. “Change of plans. We’re going to the Medical Examiner.”  
They pulled up to the medical examiner’s office a short time later.   
“So you need to know about Garth. He’s harmless, but he loves to give hugs.”  
“um okay.” Sam said  
They walked into the building and were met by a skinny guy who looked like a gust of wind could knock him over. He smiled brightly when they approached.  
“Dean! It’s great to see you!” Garth said embracing Dean in a bear hug. “You must be Sam! It’s nice to meet you!” he said while giving Sam the same bear hug.   
“Garth what have you got?”  
“Well, whoever did this was really sick. The heart was cutout while the guy was still alive.”  
“Well that’s disgusting.” Dean said  
“Not only that but he was forcibly raped repeatedly. I didn’t find any DNA on him at all. Based on the bruises and the damage to his wrists and shoulders I’d say he was severely beaten over the course of a couple days and also hung by his wrists.”  
“Well isn’t that a happy thought. How long do you think his heart was removed?” Sam asked  
“Only a few hours before the body was dumped. I’d say he’s only been dead for 6 hours before he was found.”  
“Alright, thanks Garth.” Dean said  
“Not a problem Dean. Hey we should go out for a drink tomorrow night. Bring Sam.”  
“Yeah, maybe.”  
They said they’re goodbyes and got in the car to go to the station. “I hope we find this guy soon, because what he did makes him a sick bastard.” Dean said as Sam nodded in agreement. Little did they know that a car was waiting outside of a building, it’s driver approaching his next victim.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I'm not happy with this chapter at all, but I thought I would post it anyway.

On the way to the station they decide to call it a night. Dean parked the car in the spot he got it from this morning.  
“Isn’t this your car?” Sam asked  
“Yeah only for work. I won’t use my baby for this job, but I don’t like leaving her home either.” Dean said as he got out of the car.   
“Your baby?”  
“Yeah she’s over here if you want to see her.” They walked over to a car that was all alone in the row of cars. It was a black 67 Impala. “Nice” Sam said. “Yeah. It was my dad’s.” Dean said. “Hey where’s your car?”   
“I don’t have one.” Sam said  
“Oh well let me give you ride to your place.”  
“No that’s okay. I’m staying at the Windmere Hotel.”  
“What? You don’t have a place to live yet?”  
“No not yet. I figured I’d do that this weekend.”  
“Where’s all your stuff?”  
“I don’t actually have any stuff. Just me and my clothes.”  
“Well come on let me give you a ride to the hotel.”  
Sam relented and got into the passenger seat of the car. As they drove to the hotel Sam couldn’t stop thinking about how attractive Dean was. He wanted to kiss those soft looking pink lips and run his hands through the spiky blonde hair. Crap he thought to himself, I can’t do this again. Soon they were pulling up to the hotel and Sam was trying to readjust himself before he got out of the car. He went up to his room and threw himself onto the bed.   
Across town in an old warehouse that once held the town’s distillery before it moved to a new bigger location, a man opened bleary eyes to find himself hanging from pipe. He pulled on his hands and found them handcuffed. After he realized that and stopped struggling he had another disturbing realization. He was completely naked. As he realized this he saw someone approach him carrying a rag and a knife in his hand. He tried to scream but the man reached him first and stuffed the rag into his mouth.   
“There’s no point in screaming. No one will hear you. Now you may be wondering why I have you. You are going to be a message for my pet. On Sunday morning my pet will investigate your death. Now before then I’m going to have a little fun. Now I do hope your better than the last. He couldn’t hold out and well I had to expose of him earlier than I had planned. Now let’s get to work.” The man said as he grabbed one of the handcuffed arms and pulled effectively dislocating the shoulder. The naked man tried to scream but the rag prevented it. With a satisfied smirk the man then twisted the same arm until he heard a snapping sound. He decided that would be all the fun he had today. Tomorrow he would do the real work. He left the man hanging and left the warehouse to go to the room he was staying at the hotel.   
Dean got out of the Impala and walked up to his apartment. He grabbed a beer from the fridge and sat down. He was trying not to think about tanned skin, and plump kissable lips. He couldn’t fall for Sam. It would be a mistake. He knew he would have to think about other things while they worked together. Maybe try to keep it professional. Before he knew he was having visions of Sam lying naked on his bed with his dick in Sam’s ass. When he awoke in the morning he had to take a cold shower and use his hand to relieve the pressure. He knew it would be a long day and he hoped he could go to work and go home without having to go out tonight with Garth and Sam. Once he was dressed and on his way he stopped to get coffee at his favorite coffee shop and a pastry he could have at his desk. When he got there Sam was already there. Dean decided that he would keep everything professional, so he doesn’t know how he ended up against the wall in the men’s room of Eagle’s Bar with his hands in the soft, silky strands of Sam’s hair, with Sam’s mouth on his dick giving him the best blow job he’s ever had. On his way home Dean decides he really screwed, in every sense.


	4. Chapter 4

On Monday morning when Dean’s phone rang he knew it would be a long day. He arrived at the crime scene a few minutes later and the first thing he saw was Sam taking notes. His new haircut looked good. His hair just curled slightly over the collar of the Royal Blue dress shirt he was wearing. The lo ng layers framed his face nicely and decided that he would walk over to the scene before he found himself anaylizing the feelings he felt Saturday as he noticed Trina running her hands through Sam’s hair.   
Dean got up from the chair and walked over to the desk to pay. He noticed Sam sitting in one of the chairs in the front waiting for Trina. He stopped and watched him for a second when suddenly Sam’s eyes darted to his. He looked away and started toward the desk when Sam got up and headed toward Trina’s chair. As Dean paid he heard Sam laugh and when he turned he saw Trina with her hands running through Sam’s long hair. Dean suddenly felt a strange sensation in the pit of his stomach and he swore he let out a little growl. He left the salon without a second look back and wondered why the hell he was jealous of that.  
“What have we got?” he asked walking up to Sam.  
“Gary Conner. Found with his heart missing.”   
“Great. So we have a serial killer on our hands.” Dean said.   
“Yeah, I think we do. We should look into whether he was reported missing or not. If he was maybe we can find a pattern before the next victim.” Sam said  
“Yeah. Let’s go back to the station and check.” Dean said.  
When Dean sat at his desk he noticed that the Chief was in Bobby’s office. He wondered what was going on. He thought that it might have something to do with this latest murder. When he put his head down he heard Sam sigh and glanced over at him. He was watching a guy knock on Bobby’s office door. What is going on he thought.  
Sam was caught off guard as the guy walked into the office and over to Bobby’s closed office door. He caught himself almost gasping at the sight of him. But he let out a sigh that he knew Dean heard. What is he doing here. Sam thought. This can’t be good if he’s here.  
Bobby was sitting at his desk going over last week’s reports when his door opened and the Chief walked in. Rufus Turner has been the chief of the Silver Light City police department for almost 30 years. When he was promoted he was only 30 years old.   
“What do you want Rufus?”  
“Is that any way to talk to your oldest friend and boss Bobby?”  
“The only time you come in this office is when you want something.”  
“Okay, yeah. I’m retiring in 2 weeks. I’m promoting you to Chief.”  
“What!? Why me and who is go9ng to take over here?”  
“Because you’re the best for the job. As for who is taking over here.” There was a knock on the door. “Come in.” Rufus said  
A tall guy with a beard and black hair with streaks of gray entered the office.  
“Bobby Singer meet Captain John Winchester from the LAPD.”


	5. Chapter 5

Bobby reached for the guy’s outstretched hand and took it in a firm grip.   
“It’s nice to meet you Captain.” Bobby said  
“You too Detective. So Rufus, how is the kid doing?”  
“He’s okay John. I told you I’d take care of him.”  
“I know.”  
“So Bobby, in 2 weeks you have my office and John here has yours.”  
“okay. When do we make this announcement?”  
“How about right now.”  
They walked out of the office and demanded everyone’s attention. Since he was out in the room John took a good look at the kid. He could tell that the few days he’s been out here has been good for him. He didn’t look as stressed as he did before and he had finally gotten a haircut. It looked like he was fitting in nicely. He did notice that he noticed him watching him. He smiled slightly at the glare that was sent his way.   
Dean noticed the guy watching Sam and wondered what was going on. He found himself not liking this guy at all. He was so busy wondering what freaked Sam out that he almost missed what he just heard.   
“Everyone listen up!” Rufus yelled. “In 2 weeks I’m retiring. When that day arrives Bobby will be taking my place. Now I’d like to introduce you all to the man who will take over for Bobby. This is Detective John Winchester. He’s joining us from LA. He’ll spend the next 2 weeks riding along with Detectives Campbell and Wesson. I want you all to make him feel welcome.”

Dean heard Sam curse under his breath. He walked over to Bobby to welcome his new boss. “Detective Winchester, Dean Campbell. It’s nice to meet you sir.” Dean said sticking his hand out to shake the man’s hand. He still needed to know why Sam reacted the way he did and he’s determined to find out. He looked over to where Sam had been when he walked over but he saw him making his way over to them.   
“Detective Winchester, nice to see you again sir.” Sam said shaking the man’s hand.   
“Dean, Sam why don’t you show this guy where the best burgers are in town.” John said. They left the station going to Dean’s car. Dean decided that he needed to show Sam the best diner in town. They headed to Pike’s Diner. They got a booth in the back corner. Dean slid into the booth, Sam sliding in across from him. John sat next to Sam. Dean almost saw Sam glaring at the man. Dean needed to know what was going on between the 2 of them.   
“So you guys know each other?” Dean asked  
“Yeah, you could say that.” Sam said  
“Sam and I have a difference of opinion.” John said  
Before he could reply a waitress came over to take their orders and was openly flirting with Sam. She tried to get him to order a burger rather than the Ceaser Salad he ordered. He politely declined and when she returned with their food she smiled at him and left a napkin on the table with his plate. It had her number on it with a message asking him to call her. He put the napkin in his pocket to throw away later. On the way out they never saw the guy in the corner with his head down seething at what he was watching.   
Leslie Ann Ryan had always used her looks to get what she wanted. She would flash her smile and shove up her large breasts to get attention. She was disappointed that the flirting didn’t work with the handsome guy at her table, but she was sure he would call once he got home. She did watch him pocket the napkin. When she left the diner later that night she never saw the guy lurking in the shadows until it was too late. He grabbed her from behind, placing his gloved hand over her mouth. She never had a chance to fight back as she felt a white hot pain go through her chest. She was relieved when all she saw was darkness.   
He entered the hotel through the back delivery entrance carrying the rolled up comforter. He knew no one was around right now so he could easily slip into the room, deposit it and then leave. He worked his way upstairs by using the not often used stairwell, making his way up to the fourth floor. He slipped the keycard into the slot and opened the door. He knew the occupant of the room was not here as he entered. He put the comforter on the bed and slowly left the room.   
Sam and Dean once again found themselves at the bar only this time they brought John along. Sam got up and went to the men’s room. When Dean got up a couple of seconds later John knew what was going to happen. He just hoped Sam didn’t get hurt again.   
Dean walked into the men’s room and shoved Sam up against the wall. He knelt down and unzipped Sam’s jeans, freeing Sam’s half hard cock. Sam dug his fingers into Dean’s short spiky hair as Dean took his cock in his mouth and began to suck on it. Sam moaned with pleasure while Dean sucked. When Sam was about to hit his climax he pulled Dean’s hair. When he was done Dean went over to the sink wetting a paper towel. He brought it back to Sam and wiped him up before tucking him back in his jeans. When they left the men’s room John gave them a knowing smirk. “Shut up” Sam said.  
“I’m not going to say a word” John said.  
Later that night Sam made his way into his hotel room and found the comforter on the bed. When he unrolled it he found the body of Leslie Ann Ryan, their waitress that afternoon at the diner, with her heart cut out of her chest. The note pinned to her body caused him to start to tremble.   
You can’t run from me pet. You belong to me.  
Sam went into the bathroom and threw up everything that was in his stomach. He was trembling so much he didn’t realize he had tears streaming down his face.


	6. Chapter 6

Dean walked into his apartment, throwing his keys on the counter in the kitchen. He went to the fridge to get a beer. As he pulled the top off he thought back to how his night out at the bar had ended.   
He sat at the bar with John on one side and Sam on the other. He swore he wasn’t going to let Sam get to him. He couldn’t afford to fall for his partner. Not again. The last time it had ended badly. He glanced over to Sam taking a pull from his beer, watching his throat work.   
“So Dean, anyone special waiting at home?” John asked as he watched Dean watch Sam.   
“Huh…Oh no, no one special.” Dean said looking at John. John nodded his head and Dean looked down at his beer. He realized that the pants he was wearing were a little tighter as he started to get hard.  
“I’m going to hit the head.” Sam said getting up and heading toward the men’s room.   
“I’m going to go too.” Dean said getting up careful not to let his hard on show. He entered the men’s room to Sam washing his hands and shoved him against the wall.   
“Dean what”  
“Quite. I’m going to blow you because I can.”  
As Dean sucked he thought about how bad this could go. He shouldn’t feel this way, but for some reason his heart kept going back to Sam and no matter who he looked at in the bar he knew deep down that Sam was what he wanted. When he was done he tucked Sam back in, patted him in the chest and walked out of the men’s room leaving a wide eyed Sam standing there. He almost walked into John when he left.  
“Oh good, I thought that you might have fallen in.” John said with a laugh looking at the door.  
“Nope. Didn’t fall in.” Dean said smirking.  
“Okay. I’m going and then we can hit the road.”  
Dean was stirred from his thoughts by his ringing phone.  
“Campbell” Dean said tightly.  
“Shit, I can be there in 10.” Dean said hanging up the phone.

Sam sat up and splashed cold water on his face. He picked up his phone and called the number he knew by heart. After the second ring it was picked up.   
“I…I need you. Please.” Sam said trying to keep the fresh tears from falling. He hung up and sat back down on the floor. Soon he felt a hand on his wrist and he whimpered.  
“Shhhh, Sam it’s me. It’s okay.” John said taking Sam into his arms and running his hand through his hair. “We’ll figure this out Sam. We’ll catch this guy. I promise we will. I’m going to call this in, you’ll answer the usual questions and then you’re coming with me back to my hotel. You also need to tell Dean the truth.” He felt a nod against his shoulder and pulled Sam back to look at him. His heart broke at the sight of his red eyes and vowed he would bring the bastard to justice. He picked up his phone and dialed Rufus’s number.   
“Yeah we got a problem. Send units to Sam’s hotel room. The bastard is here Rufus. He left a body in Sam’s room.”  
Before he knew it he was giving a statement about coming back and finding the comforter on the bed, with the body and the note. He answered the questions from Rufus as calmly as possible until he felt a hand on his shoulder. John was guiding him out of the room and down the hall. On the way downstairs Dean came into the hotel and saw Sam with John, John’s arm around him. He had a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach, and his head only screamed the word MINE but he stamped both down.  
“Sam what happened?” Dean asked wanting desperately to take the haunted, hurt look out of Sam’s eyes.  
“New body.” Was all that Sam said.  
“I’m taking to my hotel down the street. The waitress from the diner was left in Sam’s room wrapped in a comforter.”  
“Dean you and I need to talk.”  
“Okay Sam. I need to go up there though and see what’s going on.”  
“No Dean. You and Sam head out. Rufus and Bobby are both here, we’ll handle this one.” John said  
“Yeah, okay.” Sam said  
He and Dean headed out to Dean’s car. “Dean where do you want to talk? Your place, the station or the hotel?”  
“Let’s head to the hotel.”  
“Okay. Can we walk? I need the fresh air to clear my head and get my thoughts together on what I have to tell you.”  
“Sure Sam we can do that.”  
They began walking the few blocks to the hotel that John was staying at in silence. As they were going by an ally a shot rang out.   
“Dean!” Sam yelled grabbing Dean’s arm and gently bringing him to the ground. He was so focused on Dean he never saw the man come up behind him until he felt himself being hit in the back of the head until everything went black and he slumped on top of Dean.


	7. Chapter 7

John was on his way back to his hotel when he saw a body on the sidewalk. He got out and was stunned when he realized it was Dean.  
“Dean, can you hear me? Where’s Sam huh?” John said knowing that Dean was unconscious and wouldn’t answer him. He felt for a pulse and found it there but weak. He pulled out his phone and called in a shooting with an officer down. After he hung up he put his hand on Dean’s chest talking quietly to him.  
“Hang on Dean. We’ll get you fixed up and you’ll be okay. I’m going to try Sam’s cell. Maybe I can pin it.” He tried calling Sam’s cell and it rang from somewhere behind him. He picked it up eyes full of fear. No not again! John thought. He dialed Rufus, trying not to panic.  
“Rufus, this bastard has Sam! He shot Dean.”  
Rufus and Bobby arrived at the same time as the ambulance and other officers. He watched as paramedics worked on Dean to get him ready to transport to the hospital. He wanted to flinch when he felt a hand on his shoulder, but pushed it down. He looked up at Rufus and was shocked at the next words out of his mouth. “I’m going to the hospital with Dean. When you’re ready for my statement I’ll be there.”   
Rufus looked at him and knew he wasn’t going to argue. “Okay John. We’ll find him. I promise.”  
“We better Rufus. If we don’t find him before this bastard hurts him I can promise you, you’ll find the bastard body in pieces.” John said before getting into the ambulance and going to the hospital.

John paced in the waiting room of the ER. He was running the details of all of the Heart’s Desire cases from LA in his head. He was positive the guy was dead. He had shot the guy in the head when he had a knife to Sam’s chest after killing another officer, who happened to be Sam’s partner both professionally and personally. Officer Chris Jackson was beaten so severely they could only match him by dental records. He was strapped to a table with his heart cut out. The suspect Nathan Rogers had done it. As John thought about that case, he thought something was missing, he just couldn’t put his finger on it. He was interrupted in his thoughts by a Dr. clearing his throat.  
“Sorry Doc, I was just thinking. How’s Dean?”  
“He’s in recovery. We’ll move him to a room, but he should make a full recovery. The bullet lodged in his liver, so we had to remove a small piece of it. It will regenerate itself given some time. He’s going to be in pain for a little while. All in all, he was very lucky.”  
“Thank you Dr.”  
“I’ll come and get you when we move him. It should be a couple of hours.”  
“Okay.” John said  
Once the Dr. left John went back to running the case through his head. He was about to go through it one more time when he realized something. Pulling out his phone he dialed a familiar number.   
“Jason it’s John. The Heart’s Desire case, when we rescued Sam did you do a DNA match on Chris?” John asked the forensic scientist.  
“No John. We did a dental records match and he had the ID and badge on him. Why John? What happened?”  
“Sam’s been kidnapped and that bastard or a copycat did it. Jason do you still have the forensic evidence from that case? Can you check the DNA? I know it’s been a year and a half, but I need to find out Jason.”  
“Yeah John. I can go through everything right now. I’m on my way to the lab. I’ll call you as soon as I have something.”  
John hung up the phone and sank into the chair that was behind him. He put his head in his hands and let his tears fall. This should have been over last year. What were they missing?

Dean opened heavy eyelids and glanced around the room. He found John sitting in chair next to the bed. As soon as he laid eyes on him everything that happened came rushing back. When he tried to get out of the bed he felt a strong hand on his chest.   
“Stay there Dean. Once you’re done with this transfusion you are going to be released. The bullet didn’t do any damage and it was easy to get out.”  
“I need to go find Sam.”  
“Dean you’re staying here. I need you to tell me what happened and what you saw.   
“I need to go find Sam. How long have I been here?”  
“12 hours.”  
“Shit! That bastard took him and I need to find him!”  
“Dean you need to tell me what happened!”  
Dean was about to reply when the door to the room opened and Rufus and Booby walked in.  
“Dean good your awake!” Bobby said  
Dean tried to get up again and once again John had his hand on his chest keeping him there.  
“Let go! I need to find Sam!”  
“Dean you need to tell us what happened so we can find him!” John yelled  
“No I need to find him. We’re wasting time arguing about this! Sam is missing and your more concerned about what happened with me then finding him!” Dean yelled  
“Of course I’m concerned Dean! I want to find him as much as you do!”  
“Boys keep it down.” Rufus said  
“No! I’m going to find Sam myself since it seems my new boss doesn’t care about one of his own!” Dean said  
“How dare you say that! Of course I care Dean!”  
“Right! I’ve seen you look at him. If I didn’t know better, I’d think that you were the one to take him!”  
“Don’t you dare accuse me of kidnapping my own son!” John said  
Bobby and Dean looked at him in stunned silence.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mentions of wanting to sexually touch a child. Nothing happens!

Sam opened his heavy eyes and all he saw was darkness. After a minute he felt the blindfold that was covering his eyes. Being in the darkness he started to have a panic attack, so he tried to move his arms and legs. After a minute of trying to move he realized that he was handcuffed to a bar. It was high enough up that his feet were off the ground. His arms were over his head and his feet were zip tided together at the ankles. His mind was so fuzzy that he didn’t realize right away that he was completely naked. He also didn’t realize that he could feel cold air on the back of his neck. The realization started his heart to race and he realized he was the verge of a panic attack. He forced himself to breathe threw his mouth to try to calm his racing heart. He succeeded when he thought of Dean. He was worried about him, but couldn’t do anything to help him if he was stuck here. He heard a door open and the sound of footsteps coming toward him. His heart began to race again when he heard the voice.   
“Hi Samuel. Did you miss me?”  
“Chris?”  
“In the flesh. I bet your wondering why I’m here Sam. Well it’s your lucky day because I’m going to tell you. First though, I have to take the blindfold off.” Sam flinched when Chris’s hand touched his skin. The move made Chris angry and he backhanded Sam across the face. He removed the blindfold and Sam had to squint at the brightness around him. The light made him sick and he felt like he was going to vomit.   
“Now Sam, we’re going to go over the rules. I’m going to tell you everything, but there will be no sound from you at all. If you make any noise or if I feel like it, I’ll punish you. You’ve been a bad boy Sam. I think I’ll start from the beginning. Remember when you mother was killed Sam? She was carrying you. You guys were on your way to the store after you got your haircut, which I loved by the way, as you can probably tell, I decided that you needed that look again. Anyway she was grabbed from behind and almost dropped you. You were tied up on a table and your mother was next to you. I fell in love with you then Sam. I was 12 and you were just there tied up and so innocent. Your mother was a sweet thing too. She kept begging us not to hurt you. We loved making her scream. It felt so good to have my dick in her. You would have been perfect for me. Before I went to that fucking school my dad made me go to I went to see you both. I bet you don’t remember do you? No she was singing to you. You were asleep. She begged me not to hurt you. I wanted her to shut up and so I took my dick and shoved it in her mouth. When I was done with her I moved to you. I only made it as far as unzipping you. I decided I would take my time with you. That was my plan, but plans go to hell. I was pulled out of class and told my dad was arrested by your father! Do you know what it’s like to have everyone know your father is a serial killer!? No you don’t because your father was viewed as the hero! He ruined my life! I needed to make him pay! I planned out for years how I could get him back and get to you. Then when I was reading the paper after my latest kill I had the perfect plan. I changed my name to Chris Jackson and joined the police academy. Your dad had no idea when he made us partners that I was the one who killed your mother. The rest of plan fell into place after that. I still killed people and tried to help solve the case. Then I paid some poor schmuck $100,000 to beat a guy’s face in until he was unrecognizable and put my uniform on him. Then I just had to kill him and then take what I wanted. But once again your fucking father interfered. I had to come up with another plan. I followed you around and then I followed you out here. I decided that the Heart’s Desire killer had to strike again. I was so disappointed in you Sam. You didn’t tell Dean that you had seen this case before. How was he going to trust you if you kept that from him? Oh well. It doesn’t matter now. He’s gone and I have what I want.”  
Sam was sick listening to Chris talk about what happened. He finally ended up vomiting all over himself. That just made Chris angry.   
“Look what you did now you fucking slut!” Chris yelled as he punched Sam in the face breaking his nose. “You’re going to pay for that!” Before Sam knew what was happening Chris had shoved his dick up Sam’s raw un-prepped ass. Sam tried not to scream at the pain he was feeling but it came out anyway causing Chris to pull out roughly causing more tearing on his way out. Sam felt Chris let go and was relieved only for a minute when Chris came back holding what looked like a Taser. He pulled trigger sending waves of pain through Sam and causing his body to convulse. He couldn’t stop the tears that began running down his face. He heard Chris yell and then felt scolding hot water hit chest.   
“Stop crying like a bitch! I can’t believe I wanted you for so long! It’s a good thing plans change. I’m going to use you up and then dump your body where your father can’t find it.” Chris said before putting the blindfold back over Sam’s eyes. He heard Chris walk away and the door close before he let out a whimper and hope that Chris would kill him soon.

John sat at Sam’s desk in the station trying to retrace all of Sam’s movements over the last few weeks. He looked at security video of the hotel and then the gym trying to find anything. He looked up from the video he was watching for the 10th time when a cup of coffee was placed there. He looked up to see Dean standing there with his own cup.   
“Why don’t I watch them for a while?”  
“No I’m fine.”  
“John, you need a break. You can’t help Sam if your passed out.”  
“Yeah okay. Maybe fresh eyes will pick up something.” He said as he got up to go to the men’s room to splash water on his face. Bobby and Rufus were out interviewing everyone who was in the area of all of the killings. There had to be something they were missing. When he went back to the desk Dean was looking closely at the tape.   
“Son of a bitch!” Dean yelled  
“What is it Dean?”  
“Look at this guy right here.” He said pointing the screen.  
John watched closely as a guy who had been walking into the hotel turned around and followed Sam out of it. He was looking in his pocket pulling out his phone while following Sam and not actually looking at it. Later that night the same guy came out of the front lobby of the hotel. Dean blew up the picture and printed it.   
“Son of a bitch! That’s Chris!” John exclaimed  
“Who’s Chris?” Dean asked confused  
“Chris was Sam’s partner in LA. He had been kidnapped along with Sam and he was beaten to death. I found out that no DNA test was done because he was wearing his uniform and had his badge and ID on him. I was concentrating more on Sam then what was going on with the investigation. Sam was traumatized and wouldn’t talk to anyone. It took almost 4 months for him to say anything to anyone. He completely shut down. He went to therapy. She thought it was a good idea for him to take the detective exam here and the take the job as a chance to start fresh. He blamed himself for what happened to Chris. This is my fault.” John said sadly.  
“It’s not your fault.”  
“Dean that was the second time Sam had been kidnapped.”  
“What!?”  
“When he was 5 he was out with his mother. They were both taken. Two days later we found them. Unfortunately, Mary, my wife was dead. She had her heart cut out. We caught the guy that did it, but I was on leave to take care of Sam. Sam wouldn’t say anything then either.”  
“So is this guy a copycat or did the other guy get out of jail?”  
“No Matt Ramone is still in jail. He was there when we killed the guy who was copying him in LA. I don’t know what we missed or why Chris is here.   
“Well then let’s go to the hotel an find out.” Dean said.  
“Dean, your still on medical leave.”  
“Then I’ll go unofficially.” Dean said  
“Dean, you love him don’t you?” John asked  
“I know it’s crazy, but I feel like he’s the piece that’s been missing. I tried to deny it, but I can’t anymore.”  
John smiled at Dean. “Okay then let’s go.”  
They got to the hotel walking up to the front desk with their badges already out ready to show the person at the front desk.   
“Hi I’m Captain Winchester and this is Detective Campbell. We’d like to ask you a few questions.”  
“Um ok.” The blonde perky woman said  
John pulled the picture out of his pocket and showed the girl  
“Do you know him?” John asked as she looked at the picture.  
“That’s Jack Loomis. He’s a bell hop here.”  
“Do you have an address for him?”  
“251 Cypress Ave apt 110.”  
They made their over to the apartment after calling Bobby and Rufus to meet them there. When they entered the apartment John wanted to be sick. In a cabinet in the kitchen there were 10 jars with human hearts in them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so now we know what happened in Sam's life and what's happening now. This was hard for me to write. I had a hard time trying to get into the killer's head and deciding what he was going to be doing to Sam. I don't like hurting Sam, but he and I just went with it. and the haircut that Chris gives Sam is the haircut that Jared had on Gilmore Girls.   
> As for Dean being out of the hospital and helping John, he released himself AMA. He couldn't sit in the hospital while his Sammy needed him.


	9. Chapter 9

Dean paced around the waiting room waiting for the Dr. to come out and tell them how Sam was. He thought about the last 48 hours and became angry and scared all at the time.   
They knew they had the guy when they found the jars of hearts, but they also found photos of Sam taken recently. They decided that they would stake out the apartment and see if Jack came back. Dean and Bobby took the first shift. John wanted to be in on all of them, but Rufus suggested that he research Jack Loomis and see if anything come up. As the night wore on Dean became edgy and anxious. He knew deep in his gut that Sam was being hurt but he didn’t know why he felt it. Ever since he met Sam he felt like there was something connecting them almost like they should be together. He tried to deny it but something kept pulling him toward Sam. He needed to find him and find him soon. He feared that if they didn’t he would never get to talk to him about it. He was about to take another sip of his coffee he saw Loomis walking out of his apartment. They followed him until he stopped at a warehouse by the water. After they stopped they saw a car pull in behind them. John and Rufus got out.   
“John followed all the patterns of where the bodies were found and taken from. He followed the security cameras in the area and traced him back here. We figured that he would keep out in the furthest one.”  
“Well then let’s go kill this son of a bitch.” Dean said  
They called for backup and planned out how to go in. Once it was decided they carefully went in and found Sam being raped. They shot Loomis who turned out to be Chris Jackson Sam’s former partner. He was the son of the guy who had kidnapped Sam’s mother. They brought Sam to the hospital where he was taken into surgery.  
Dean couldn’t believe that Sam had gone into surgery 4 hours ago and they hadn’t heard anything yet. He was about to go ask someone if they knew anything when the doors opened and a Dr. came out.   
“Detective Winchester, I’m Dr. Novak. I treated Sam when he came in. We have a lot to discuss about his injuries but let me reassure you that he alive. He has several broken ribs, punctured lung, broken left ankle, broken fingers and left hand. There are several cuts on his back, chest, and butt. He had severe tearing in his anal area and he also had a ruptured spleen. We stitched up the tears and removed his spleen. He will recover in time from all of those injuries. I’m concerned about his severe concussion and the swelling that is in his spinal column. I believe that the swelling will go down, but until then I don’t know if there is a permanent injury to his spine. He may need a lot of physical therapy. Now with all that said he is critical, but his chances are good. You can go see him but only one at a time and only for 15 minutes. He does have a breathing tube so his lung can heal a little more.” 

John went first and then Bobby and Rufus. Dean thought he had prepared himself for what he was going to see when he got there. He was so wrong. Sam lay in the bed with a tube in his mouth and wires connected to him. He was very pale and if Dean didn’t see the heart monitor going he would have thought that Sam was dead. He sat down in the chair next to the bed and picked up Sam’s hand. He took a deep breath and just started talking.  
“Sam I don’t know if you can hear me, but I need you to know that I don’t know how or when but I started having feelings for you. I never felt for anyone the way I feel for you. I…Sam I’m in love with you. I love you so much that it hurts. I promise that no matter what happens I will help you through this. I promise Sammy. I love you.” Dean said with tears streaming down his face. He didn’t know if Sam heard him but when he felt a lite squeeze on his hand he knew that Sam heard him and everything will be ok.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so for now this is finished. I had more planned out but I'm really busy right now. I might go back in the future and add more. I hope you all enjoyed it.


	10. Chapter 10

Sam sat in the small room and thought about how he got here. He never would have imagined being here 3 years ago.   
Dean sat in the chair next to the bed waiting with as much patience as he had for Sam to wake up. The most he had done was squeeze his hand but that was three days ago. The Dr. said that it was completely normal. Finally, as John handed him a cup of coffee Sam’s eyes opened.   
“Sam relax, you’re in the hospital and John just went to get the Dr.” Dean said still holding his hand.   
“De….”Sam tried saying but Dean intruppted him.  
“Don’t try to talk Sam, the Dr. will explain everything.”  
A Dr. and John came into the room with a nurse and looked Sam over.  
“Sam it’s good to see you. I’m Dr. Novak. I treated you came in. Now I know you probably have questions, so first I want you to take small sips of water and then you can ask me what you want.” He said holding a cup to Sam’s mouth so can drink. Sam took small sips and it felt good on his throat.   
“Now Sam how do you feel?”  
Sam thought about that for a moment and he wasn’t sure how to answer that. His head hurt and his stomach but he didn’t feel any pain anywhere else.  
“My head hurts and my stomach.” Sam said sounding a little less croaky than he did before drinking the water.  
“Okay. Well you have a pretty serious concussion so your head will hurt for a while. Luckily all your scans came back negative. Can you show me where your stomach hurts?” Dr. Novak asked  
Sam pointed to where the incision is on his stomach from having surgery to remove his spleen. Dr. ‘Novak smiled at that.  
“Good. You had to have emergency surgery because you ruptured your spleen. You’ll need to take medication for the rest of your life but you’ll heal from it. Now I also had to surgically repair some serious wounds in your anal area. Sam are they bothering you?”  
“No I don’t feel them. Why what’s wrong?”  
“Sam you have some swelling in your spinal cord.” He put his hand up to stop any intruption from Sam. “I don’t know if it’s a permanent injury or not. Since your felling the incision in your stomach then I’m hoping that the swelling will go down. However until it does and I can get a clear scan of the area there is nothing we can do but wait. What I can say is that you will need a lot of physical therapy and until we know more you can’t move from your waist down. Sam I’m going to do everything I can to make sure you can function when you leave here.”   
Sam was quiet after the Dr. left. When Dean reached for his hand he pulled away and turned his head into the pillow.  
“Sam, everything will work out.” Dean said.  
“Dean why don’t go home and get some real sleep in a real bed instead of a chair?’ Sam said  
Dean refused to leave. “I’m going to go get some coffee.” Dean said  
After the door closed John sat in the chair and sighed running his fingers through Sam’s short hair. He realized it was same haircut he had when he was 5 and he was taken the first time. And he wanted to kill Chris all over again. He Stamped his anger down. “Sam, look at me.”  
When Sam turned his head John’s heart broke. Sam had tears streaming down his face. John got up and pulled him into a hug.  
“Sam everything will be okay. You’ll get through this Sam. We’ll all get through it. You’re not alone ok?” John said still running his fingers through the hair while Sam silently let his tears fall. Neither of them heard the door open or close. John released Sam and told him “I’m going to go see if I can get Dean to leave. He’s been here for 3 days. Try to get some sleep Sam.” When Sam woke up screaming in the middle of the night Dean’s hand was in his soothing him awake.  
“Sam your safe. We saved you Sam. Chris is dead.”  
Sam woke up gasping for breath just as a nurse came in with a needle to place in Sam’s IV. “It’s just a sedative to help you sleep.” She said calmly.   
“Dean, go home.” Sam said drifting off to sleep again.

A month later Sam was still in the hospital facing more surgery. The swelling in his spine had gone down enough to see there was a compression fracture in his lower spine. He had to have spinal fusion surgery. The procedure was supposed to take 8 hours but it ended up taking 10 due to some minor complications. It turned out that there were a few bone fragments in an area that was risky removal so they took their time. 3 days later Sam was released and on his way to the house that John had bought while Sam was in the hospital. It was a three bedroom ranch so Sam wouldn’t have to walk upstairs. Dean wanted Sam to move in with him, but Sam had become distant. Dean had a feeling he knew why Sam doing it but he decided he would be there for him no matter what. It all came to a head one day when Dean and Sam were on their way back from Sam’s physical therapy appointment. Sam was sitting on the sofa with his eyes closed when Dean sat down next to him. Dean out of reflex ran his fingers through Sam’s hair. Sam began to panic opening his eyes and breathing heavy.   
“Stop!” Sam yelled while grabbing Dean’s wrist and twisting it and only letting go when he heard a pop. Dean grunted in agony holding his wrist.   
“Dean! Oh God! I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!”  
“Sam it’s okay. I shouldn’t have touched you.”  
“Dean you need to leave to have that looked at.”  
Dean nodded then left the house getting into his car. He drove himself to the hospital but called John and told him what happened.   
“Damn it Dean! I told you not to touch him!”  
“I know john. I just couldn’t help myself.”  
“I know son but you have to give it time. I’m on my way home now and I’ll talk to him.”  
When John walked into the house his senses were on high alert. Something was wrong. He walked down the hall passing the cabinet that was open. He noticed that the bottle of Johnny Walker was missing. He started to walk by the bathroom when something caught his eye. Sam was sitting on the floor holding a razor to his left wrist. On the floor around him were the bottle of Johnny Walker and his now empty bottles of both Percoet and Prozac. Sam’s eyes were becoming slits and John called 911 while taking the razor from his hand. A small trickle of blood was visable. John dragged him over to the toilet and stuck his finger in his mouth and as far down his throat as he could. Sam began to heave into the toilet. Before john knew it Sam was being loaded into an ambulance and brought to the hospital. He followed the ambulance running behind them into the ER. He ran into Dean and he explained what happened. They waited in silence for the Dr. to tell them about Sam. After what seemed like hours a Dr. came out with a grim look on his face.  
6 months later Dean was sitting at his kitchen table waiting for his phone to ring. Finally his phone beeped alerting him to a new text. When he looked at who it was from he took a deep breath and then looked at the message. He let out the breath, he got up smiling and grabbed his keys. Parking his car he realized how nervous he was. He looked at his phone again. The message was simple. Only two words. Come over, but the implications of it are huge. He finally pulled himself out of the car and walked over to the door. The door opened before he was even up the first step.   
“Hey Dean. Why don’t you wait in the living room.”  
Dean walked into the room and thought about the last time he was here. It was that fateful day 6 months ago when Sam accidentally dislocated his wrist. He had to have surgery on it and was out of work for 8 weeks. When came back he had to have desk duty for another 6 weeks. He sat on the sofa to wait. He didn’t have to wait long before he looked up to see Sam standing in the door way. He looked good. He was standing straighter and he had put on some weight. His hair was a little longer than before, falling slightly in his eyes.   
“Hi Dean.” Sam said  
“Hi Sam.” Dean said. “I missed you so much.”  
“I’m sorry Dean. You have no idea how much it hurt me that I hurt you. I thought that you deserved so much better than me. I saw myself as a failure. I failed you because I couldn’t protect you from Chris. He hurt you because of me.” Sam held his hand up to stop Dean from trying to interrupt. “Then after that I let him hurt me. I let him do stuff to me because I thought that I deserved it. I was so lost in my head and myself destructive thoughts that when you touched me I wasn’t thinking. I just reacted. I hated myself for reacting the way I did. I was a cop and I found myself not being able to handle anything. I decided that everybody would be better off if I was gone. I didn’t deserve to live Dean. When I woke up in the hospital all I could think was that I failed again. When I yelled at my dad he decided that I needed more help than anyone here could give me. With the help of the Dr. they found a program for me to go into. It was in Kansas of all places, but it was good. They were really strict. I couldn’t have contact with anybody for 3 months. Then after that it could only be my dad. For the first 3 months I was in private therapy every day. They made me learn to take care of myself. In order to get better, I had to love myself first. I had to be drug and alcohol tested every day. I could only take medication through an IV that was monitored by a Dr. After 3 months I had to do group therapy and talk about what happened to me. I was so scared that I was going to be ridiculed for not being good enough and not being able to stop what happened that I almost had a panic attack. i found out after the first session that I didn’t have to be scared. They didn’t look at me like I was a failure. They looked at me with compassion, understanding and love. Dean I realized how much I love you. I love you Dean and I want to give us a shot, but if you don’t want to I’ll completely understand.”  
Dean sat there in silence letting Sam tell him everything that had happened over the last 6 months. He found himself blinking away tears and then he heard the words that he had been waiting for. He leaned in and pushed his lips on Sam’s. the only thing that seperated them was Sam lightly pushing him away.   
“Dean can we take this slow? You know start out dating and then go from there?”  
Dean reached out brushed the hair from Sam’s eyes. “Of course we can baby. We can do anything you want.” Neither one of them saw John standing in the doorway watching the scene before him. He smiled knowing his son would finally be ok. 

Dean stood watching Sam walk toward him. He looked amazing in his black tux. His hair was trimmed up, curling around his ears and his neck, while his bangs were brushed to the side. He decided that it was a great idea to take things slow. They had several dates and last year Sam moved in. The furthest they had gone was blow jobs. Sam still had nightmares and he was still inscure about making love, which lead to Dean finding him sitting on the floor in the corner of the bedroom crying because he felt that Dean deserved better. They talked it out and when Sam didn’t want to get out of bed the next day because he was still feeling insecure Dean stayed home and ordered them a pizza and spent the day in bed right next to him reminding him that’s he’s a survivor and he should be proud of that. Sam started volunteering in the Pediatric ward of the hospital a few days a week. It was there when he was reading to the kids that he decided he would write a book about what happened to him and how he’s dealing with it so that he can help other people who are going through something similar. When Sam reaches him and takes his hand Dean feels his love for him growing even more. Before they turn to the Justice of the Peace Sam whispers something in Dean’s ear that has his eyes go slightly wide and a slight pink tint appear on his skin. The only thing running through Dean’s head are the words that Sam whispered. I think I’m ready Dean. Tonight I want you to make love to me. Dean knew in that moment that Sam would be okay and tonight he was going to make love to his husband for the first time. Later when he is lying in bed brushing Sam’s tears of joy and happiness he knows he made the right decision to take things slow with Sam. As he kisses his husbands sweat soaked hair he says the words he’ll say a thousand times. I love you Sammy with all my heart and soul.


End file.
